The Rise Of “Woke”: Creating The Perfect Game For People Who Only Like Straight White Guys
I love games. A lot. I've been talking about them online for 15 years or more and every year it gets harder and harder to use the term "gamer" to describe my interest in the hobby.
Every time a new game trailer is released for a game starring either a Woman or a Person Of Colour - or heaven forbid, both - I just know that I need to stay away from any comments section underneath any post of said trailer. I don't though, because I'm a sucker for punishment.
The Game Awards happened on the 12th of December 2024 and, as expected, the little man-babies crawled out of their troll holes to cry about "woke" culture every time a female or non-white person showed up on screen as a playable character. I read actual comments from real douchebags along the lines of "I just want to play as a character that looks like me". Bro, so do other people, the difference is that you, Mr. White, can play numerous games from over the past 50 years that feature a main character that looks like you. The PS360 generation alone was memed endlessly about how almost every playable human character looked the fucking same.
Their argument doesn't even make sense, because there are plenty of games before recent times where you didn't even play as a human in a lot of games. Almost any platformer has you playing as a non-human character and that never seemed to be an issue. Only when Women and POC characters showed up did these people start crying about "MUH WHITE GUYS!"
No... wait... that's not true, because LARA CROFT EXISTS! IN A POPULAR SERIES OF GAMES! I guess she has big pointy boobs, so they let her slide. So let's break the problem down here - Playable Female characters are fine as long as they meet some kind of sexual desire? Nope, that can't be true either, because Beyond Good and Evil exists and Jade isn't really portrayed in a sexual way. She does lean a little masculine, though... another thing these Chuds say they don't like.
Remember the reaction to Abby in The Last Of Us Part II? A playable straight muscular female character that wasn't portrayed as sexual except for that one scene where she had sex and then the incels were like "No! We don't want to see women portrayed as sexual! We just want them to fit our specific definition of sexy". Then OUT OF NOWHERE they made Ellie gay in that game! Then they made Bill gay in the show without any kind of FORESHADOWING, you can't just drop gay on these dunces!
So, to clarify, we can't have female or POC characters unless they're portrayed in a specific sexual manner that fits a very small definition of "sexy" and they can't be playable because playable characters need to be white and male, and we can't have any kind of ambiguity in their sexuality and they definitely can't be gay, unless their sexuality isn't being shoved down your throat, which means you just don't mention that the character is gay. So, with these parameters, I think I've created the perfect game for these loser moron fuckhead dumbasses.
I call it 'White Guy Exists' and in the game you play as Chad, a white guy. Chad sits in a white room and stares at the wall. As the player, you're tasked with protecting Chads fragile male ego and making sure he doesn't leave the room. If Chad leaves the room and enters the real world he might see things that hurt his feelings, for example, gay people, Women and People Of Colour, so you need to make sure he stays in the room and doesn't look at the internet or play any games or watch any TV, because those things might make him cry and piss in his little baby nappies. You keep playing the game until Chad dies alone and sad, resulting in a big win for you and Chad. I think this game will appeal to a very small audience of sad pathetic cunts, but at least they'll have something to play and keep them away from those of us with the ability to relate to people outside of our small insular world view.
Seriously, you people are pathetic. Get a life and get empathy, you'll be much happier and maybe people will like you for a change - This is, of course, aimed at the morons the article is about and not anybody with an ounce of brain matter, you guys are great.